Sunday, September 18, 2011

not today

i collect drops of her smile as it froths bubbles and seeps little by precious little through the thin cracks in her voice as she sings in that ancient voice of hers which reminds me of stark naked unforgiving landscape bathed in setting sunlight with rugged mountains gashed by deep ravines which are as dry as the pools of my eyes with the same whirlwind trapped inside and yes, i collect those little drops of smile from the cracks in her song, gently put them drop by tiny drop into my eyes just to calm the dusty dry storms inside

and so I have this huge feeling swelling inside to catch her song in mid-air and catch where the cracks are and put my nails in between those cracks and rip it open with bleeding fingers and let the smiles pour and pour out and to just lie down with my head on her lap and let the smiles flow into the dry pools of my eyes with those dust storms raging inside for centuries and let it all get wet and calm and salty and then there would be some coolness spreading inside and some streams flowing inside and maybe just maybe a few tears too and some things fresh and beautiful will sprout and peep out and maybe that would be a smile as well but i am tired of opening these cracks a million times and letting those trapped smiles out of the songs of strange men and women

and this one, she might not even want the smiles out…out in the open where everyone can see the colors and textures of those smiles and they might touch and smudge them for ever and maybe even rob her of all of them…so i just place my cheek on the cracks of her song and feel the coolness as the smiles drip and thread on my cheek just below my eye and i want to reach out and kiss her and touch her soul somewhere which would also open up the cracks in her song and make those smiles gush out and i can bathe in them and splash them on my dusty face with weathered wrinkles which will then be smooth with the balm but i just don’t

oh, i just don’t kiss her as even without bringing my lips to hers i feel the taste of her on my tongue and how it will slowly move inside me and fill up my mind and my heart and i know it is lovely and nice and warm and fuzzy and soft and it will creep up to inside my eyes from below and slowly well up through the forgotten dried up springs inside them and maybe calm the winds and give me back my tears and sprout some smiles of my own but wtf, i am just not kissing her and not dancing with the long shadows of thoughts and feelings that have started to sway with the music and i just sit there in the stillness of the night alone with her and her song and the half hidden moon and enjoy the fear and the thrill of seeing those cracks with smiles inside again and i just am alive fully at that moment where i am suspended on a thread a million feet above in the dark lovely sky, dangling on it and shutting down my mind and heart and everything else..and just listening to the song as it rips the universe just to get me to open those thin cracks a bit wider

but no, not today