winter

i wrote your name

on loneliness that frosted 

my window pane in winter

 .

watched it

loose shape and drip

in the warmth of my breath

 .

and trickle down

slowly till it touched

the smudge left by my palm

 .

and till I felt it spread through me

giving me back my breath

and a little warmth

 .

of my own

.

silence-2

seeds of silence

buried deep

waiting for the rain

.

strands of silence

webbed together

waiting for the spider

.

dew drops of silence

on tip of the blade

waiting for the sun

.

screams of silence

bound and caged

waiting for peace

.

colors of silence

wet and eager

waiting for the blind

.

search for silence

lost in words

waiting to be said

.

take me

take me to the space

where my eyes cannot see

.

take me to that depth

to the dance beyond death

.

take me through your blood

oozing fragrance of the undead

.

take me to your womb

where i wait to be born

.

take me like no woman

has ever taken a man

.

take me

.

divine dance

firm bones

soft flesh

sinking fingers
.

warm blood
melts

hardened heart

.

smoldering fingers
wander

in darkened caves

.

unborn dreams

of molten blood

trickling down

.

womb sheds

a little tear

joy sprouts

from every pore

.

painting red patterns

the goddess dances 

on the body laid bare

in sacrifice

.

love

the shield cut away from flesh

the skin shed the snake
.

deep waters dance
swirling around long fingers

the sea heave to reach high

scoop up the moon

.

sacred blood cover the spear 

with deep tender love

!

luminous night

night is still but not dark…there is sort of a luminous glow that fills the room…there is no light seeping in through the window shades from outside…it is the fragrance of a fleeting touch that is still burning the fingertips…making them smolder and glow like ambers in the fireplace in a cold winter night…like how they still glow when the lights are off and the wine is drunk and love is being made on the rug on the floor…so the room is bathed in that luminous glow…and the fragrance lingering from the touch gets mixed with that of slow burning flesh…as the fire spreads from the fingertips to the whole body…and what is held frozen inside slowly thaws…and it begins to trickle…small, small drops falling with a hissss on to the smoldering patches on the body on the inside…and I cannot see it, but can hear it…like the sound and feel of the light kiss of tender rain…time floats and sleep tiptoes up to the door, but wait in silence outside the room…very hesitant to intrude...

morning walk

whiff of your smell trapped

in dew drops of thoughts

swirls around in the morning mist

.

soft sound of your words

seep out of greenyellowbrown leaves

as they crunch under my feet

.

tender touch of your fingertips

come riding the breeze

caressing my face

.

heaviness of your heart

scooped up by monsoon clouds

make the air moist as they drift by

.

fireflies hiding in your eyes

light up the sky slowly

as the sun rise to a new morning

:) 

window view

little birds swim

in waves of breeze

now plunging into a dive

then up shrieking with laughter

.

schools of clouds sail

smooth and slow

their faint ripples

wetting edges of the mind

.

flowers bright yellow and red

dance deep below

smudging a little color

on dark shades of grey

.

little dragonflies hover

up above tiny buds

waiting for them to bubble up

and burst spraying lost memories

.

dusk climbs high up the watchtower

to caress my mind at the window

savoring sweet solitude

one little scoop after another

Dali and a molten lie

molten wings

of snow white birds

stain the crisp blue sky

.

molten smiles

of pin-up girls

hang in the sun to dry

.

molten flowers

on unburied coffins

wait for the corpse to die

.

molten words

on pale blue lips

drown the stifled cry

.

molten quill

in a shaky hand

paint a picture that lie

.

washed ashore the riverside

the crow with no memory

perched on her nose

pecking for the pain buried deep

.

toothless piranhas

had nibbled on her nipples

sucking out bubbles of trapped love

.

broken claw of a hermit crab

shed of celibacy

still lie buried between her legs

.

bits and pieces

of dumped old garbage decay

sieved and tangled in her hair

.

still, her cracked cold lips

part ever so slightly

for the kiss of life

.

a moon in a web

a tired moon

trapped

in spider web

.

a fluttering smile

nailed

to the throbbing mind

.

a crimson sunset

buried

deep in the eyes

.

a swinging heart

tangled

in threads of love

.

wandering fingertips

smudged

by thin film of guilt

.

a pounding heart

beat

a rhythm to dance

.

shadows of tiredness

dissolve

slowly in purple wetness

.

thru the web

seeps

the moon back to the sky

:)

a dance, a girl and some shadows

the loneliness sprouted from her navel…its seed buried somewhere deep in the darkness of her womb…it grew, a slender vine slowly growing tall and swaying with the rhythm of the dance as she sat in the dark comfort of the corner...there but not there…the vine swayed, it danced and it grew those leaves as i watched…those big large darkish green fleshy leaves which can take any form that they want…so green as life and so dark and clear that you cant see them…they caress the soft tenderness of her mind…as the darkness drip off their edges like rain sliding off leafs on to parched earth…the smell of dampness so alive and rising up in faint wisps…i want to call out her name across the river…for her to turn around and look into my eyes and connect the thread so that the snake can slither on that and reach her and wrap around her, hug her, climb the vine and shake up the leafs and spray the darkness all around and away from her mind and eat up the leaves one by one and another till they are not there and then take the vine in the mouth and suck the whole thing out…prying out the seed from where it sprouted with all the roots and everything else and spit it into the river which will take it far and away to another life and another time…so i call out her name across the river, loud and clear and strong…but then the raven comes flying from nowhere and plucks my voice from the breeze it rides and bites and chews it, shooting this pain inside me and i cry out her name again but the raven catches it in its claws this time and laughs as it spreads its wings giving more rhythm to the swaying of the leaves and they sing her a lullaby and she smiles a faint little smile for the first time that evening and the shadows of the leaves dance in rhythm with the tiny little feet on the stage and drowns my voice again as i call out across the river…it drowns with just froth and bubbles for her to see…and slowly she is blurring in the rain across the river and then only the lights and the music and the dance remains and a bit of the shadow of the leaves which touched my heart and marked it a dull crimson that i carefully wrap in fragments of thoughts to use to light this fire later after the rain and wetness goes…this fire that will light up the sky and touch her mind when she looks up sometime from thousands of miles across and will kill the shadow that caress her mind…and so i take out those fragments, unwrap the thoughts and slowly light the fire…

looking into your eyes

riding into the midnight rain…I enter a thick dark lush forest…hooves making ripples on the ground which travel up the trees and shrubs and bushes making them change their dark green brown yellow black into deeper shades of memories which slowly start coming alive, the vines turning into serpents which hiss as they greet an old friend but slither in hunger, slither sensuous, slither in patterns, up down all over and around in the darkness which has now started glowing slowly as silence falls soft and thick like the warm gentle rain drops flavored by the touch of the green canopy of leaves and branches of trees so old as us and so tall as time and I see bits and pieces of past still alive and bleeding bound tight with barbed wire and strung and hanging from the tree tops trying to sooth their wounds with the wet silence I bring and the ripples from the hooves as I ride and the glow gets stronger and brighter as I go deeper, the gentle moonlight seeps through the canopy and it dances with the sound of the waterfall trapped somewhere deep...while in the dancing glow the serpents mate and some shed their skins and some just gently wrap themselves around the bleeding bits of the past prying those out of the barbed wire with their darting tongues and hooks in their eyes...and i ride on, climbing the ridges of the hidden rainbow where skeletons of the pain of many who traveled this way before rattles in her womb as she had taken their pain so deep into herself and set them free...but her womb made heavy with the bones and the rattle...and so now it rains…it rains heavy and dark and the serpents dance with my naked body glistening in the rain and we dance with the moonlight in the dark forest and dance with gay abandon to make the clamor and the rattle seep into the gentle silence of the rain and the whole forest can then listen to the waterfall as it still rumbles with its deep and powerful love inside, the mist rising up from it creating the rainbow with a million colors light up everything around...and I ride on deeper and deeper….deeper into the midnight rain

not today

i collect drops of her smile as it froths bubbles and seeps little by precious little through the thin cracks in her voice as she sings in that ancient voice of hers which reminds me of stark naked unforgiving landscape bathed in setting sunlight with rugged mountains gashed by deep ravines which are as dry as the pools of my eyes with the same whirlwind trapped inside and yes, i collect those little drops of smile from the cracks in her song, gently put them drop by tiny drop into my eyes just to calm the dusty dry storms inside

and so I have this huge feeling swelling inside to catch her song in mid-air and catch where the cracks are and put my nails in between those cracks and rip it open with bleeding fingers and let the smiles pour and pour out and to just lie down with my head on her lap and let the smiles flow into the dry pools of my eyes with those dust storms raging inside for centuries and let it all get wet and calm and salty and then there would be some coolness spreading inside and some streams flowing inside and maybe just maybe a few tears too and some things fresh and beautiful will sprout and peep out and maybe that would be a smile as well but i am tired of opening these cracks a million times and letting those trapped smiles out of the songs of strange men and women

and this one, she might not even want the smiles out…out in the open where everyone can see the colors and textures of those smiles and they might touch and smudge them for ever and maybe even rob her of all of them…so i just place my cheek on the cracks of her song and feel the coolness as the smiles drip and thread on my cheek just below my eye and i want to reach out and kiss her and touch her soul somewhere which would also open up the cracks in her song and make those smiles gush out and i can bathe in them and splash them on my dusty face with weathered wrinkles which will then be smooth with the balm but i just don’t

oh, i just don’t kiss her as even without bringing my lips to hers i feel the taste of her on my tongue and how it will slowly move inside me and fill up my mind and my heart and i know it is lovely and nice and warm and fuzzy and soft and it will creep up to inside my eyes from below and slowly well up through the forgotten dried up springs inside them and maybe calm the winds and give me back my tears and sprout some smiles of my own but wtf, i am just not kissing her and not dancing with the long shadows of thoughts and feelings that have started to sway with the music and i just sit there in the stillness of the night alone with her and her song and the half hidden moon and enjoy the fear and the thrill of seeing those cracks with smiles inside again and i just am alive fully at that moment where i am suspended on a thread a million feet above in the dark lovely sky, dangling on it and shutting down my mind and heart and everything else..and just listening to the song as it rips the universe just to get me to open those thin cracks a bit wider

but no, not today

ride, bull, soul

life is moving
like a bullock cart
the left side bull's right side horn
is broken at the tip

& all horns of both bulls

are painted
blue green yellow and deep orange

the broken horn carries an agarbathi
& the fragrance spreads like
ink on a blotter
& makes a beautifully wierd pattern
in the still air...as the horns slice through it

the minds playfully gets lost in these patterns
suddenly emerging to breathe clear air at times...
soon trying to move back again for comfort...but the patterns play hide and seek


the cart is swaying with the road
& me too
& the mind caresses faraway walls of reason
& swings back

the reigns are loosely held
& the whip has gone to sleep lying down

---the hand can touch it, the mind cant
the mind can move it, the hand cant---

the tails of the bulls
keep the flies away
& swings any way, even when
the flies die trapped in the maze, crowed by the pushy mind

the bulls droppings
are dry before they hit the hot sand
& the heat make the far away palms dance
to a rhythm
which
the water-maids copy with their hips
fragrance from their sweat
pull the mind out
to capture it and safe keep in the maze
for warmth in the night

a lantern is lit
& hung behind
& swing & swing
to join the fire flies
caged flame lives
free flies die

the breeze turns cool
& the birds fly home
a crow alights on bull-2 for a free ride
its dark deep eyes taunting

the minds moves the whip
& the crows' off
its laughter cracking open the dark sky
telling the world that the whip moves

lying on the cloud
& sipping chilled wine
the soul watches
the journey down

spider

perched over my ear

the spider

gently whispers

sweet nothings

.

its hairy legs

begin a slow dance

tickling the base

of the neck

.

the web moves

slowly back and forth

swinging me softly

to sweet surrender

.

mind shuts down

the body opens

the soul stirs

sprouting more spiders

.

from every crack

every corner and nook

deep inside

the safe darkness

.

tonite

tonite as you sleep in the darkness, if i have to take something away from you, let me take your eyes…let me scoop them out with my nails and wipe them clean on my jeans of the blood and stuff that they still ooze..let me then kiss them dry softly and look at them long and tender holding them in the cup of my palms…let me dive deep into them and taste your little thoughts which lie trapped without ever coming out…gently, with the tip of my tongue so that they don’t wake up and come alive all of a sudden…let them sleep…unknown to the world, in the deep pool of darkness in the eyes…let me turn those thoughts around and separate them one by one…with a bit of me that is wet and dissolves the thick glue that binds them together…then let me ever so slowly dry them with my breath…caressing them gently as they slowly wake up…untangled and whole…and start that dance in the deep dark pools within the eyes…let me waltz with each one, by one…let me hold then close to my body…their nakedness fresh and pulsating in rhythm with my heart beat…let me swirl in the pool with them…round and round and round inside the eyes..till there is sparkle and there is fire that smolder and there is the beginning of warmth…let me then leave them to dance on and on, and slowly climb out..out of the eyes that now light up everything around..and still holding them gently in my palm, let me open your eyelids and place them back…let me kiss you on those very eyes…let my tongue glue them firm in the sockets…and then again, let me let you sleep…the sparkle and the warmth from the eyes spreading to all nooks and corners inside your body…let me see the fine strands of hair around your navel shiver as the warmth spread…let me, gently tiptoe out of your room…let me let you wake up to the lovely solitude in the warmth of darkness…glowing with the light from your eyes…

monsoon night

let me wrap myself around the empty space where you were before, just where you sat with your legs folded under you on the bed…molding my body around those contours that still throb with the warmth of your presence…let me, before the moist monsoon breeze steals that warmth with light kisses as it tip-toes around in rhythm with the raindrops drumming on the roof…let me gather those fragments of thoughts you couldn’t pack and take along with you before you left…those which shiver silently in the darkness in the loneliness left by you…let me, before they cling on to the streaks of moonlight and slither up and out through the window…and let me lie still and watch your smile as it flutter around from one precious moment to another that had bloomed at our touch…let me catch it in mid flight with cupped palms and kiss its wings…wings which sparkle with the screaming greenpurpleyellow that we painted them with…let me lie in that deep darkness and watch the twinkle in your eyes move about the room like fireflies skating on frozen silence…let me slowly peel off the layer of tiredness that crept on me through your fingertips and covered my body…let me hold you even more tight, wrapped around the space where you were, before you seep out ever so slowly, into this monsoon night

time flies

time flies

buzz around

the rotting clock

.

little beggars

fight to mount

the lame horse

.

tortoise drags

the decaying sound

over the sand dunes

.

a smile leaks

from the wound

painted on your face

.

licking it off slowly

i stick a fresh band-aid

healing the joy inside

.

time

flies

.

monsoon afternoon-2

small droplets

of old memories

rain softly

.

smell of fresh pain

rides the breeze

spread slowly

.

your presence

like monsoon clouds

loom dark and heavy

.

i escape indoors

wrapping safe solitude

tight and warm around me

.